Funeral Etiquette FAQ      

For Friends and Guests

What is the proper attire to wear to the visitation/wake and funeral?

For men, a suit or business casual is fine for the visitation, however, a suit is usually more appropriate for the funeral service. To avoid feeling out of place, avoid blue jeans, shorts and t-shirts.

For ladies, a conservative blouse or dress is fine for the visitation and funeral.

What to send to the family;   food, flowers, card or donation?

Often times, neighbors will send food to the house after a death has occurred. Family, close friends and business associates will often send flowers, a card or make a donation. Just showing up for the service and proving support and sympathy means a lot to the family. If you are not sure whether to send flowers or make a donation in memory of the deceased, simply call the funeral home and ask what the wishes of the family are.

What to say to the family at the funeral or visitation.

Just saying "I'm sorry," or expressing your condolences is often a way to greet a close family member of the deceased. A conversation may continue from there. If not, it's ok. Remember, just showing up means a Lot to the family. Many people will often share a happy memory of the deceased

When is the proper time to leave a visitation or funeral?

Visitation - Once you've greeted the family members, it is up to your discretion whether to stay or leave. If there are a small number of people at the visitation, it is ok to stay as long as you wish. However, if there are a large number of people, the family will be talking to many people and you may want to keep the conversation brief.

Funeral - After the funeral service is over, it will be announced if the family is receiving friends for a reception. If nothing is announced, it is safe to assume there is no reception and a brief goodbye to the family is appropriate.

For The Family

What is the proper attire to wear to the visitation/wake and funeral?

For men, a suit or business casual is fine for the visitation. However, a suit is usually more appropriate for the funeral service. To avoid feeling out of place, avoid blue jeans, shorts and t-shirts.

For ladies, a conservative blouse or dress is fine for the visitation and funeral.

What to say to the friends at the funeral or visitation.

Friends and family who show up for the services are expressing their love and concern for the deceased and or family members. Don't feel like you have to carry on long conversations with everyone who shows up for the services. A simple "thank you for coming," is a good way to start a conversation.

When is the proper time to leave the visitation or funeral?

Visitation - The proper time to leave the visitation is when the hours have ended. Many guest do not know when or how to leave so they simply follow the family's movement. If you want some private time before leaving the visitation, ask the funeral director to announce the family wishes to have some private time. The guests will understand and respect your wishes.

Funeral - The proper time to leave the funeral is when it has ended. If there is no reception following the service, take  your time and thank everyone for coming. If there is a reception following, once again, the guests are going to watch the family. If the family stays, the guests often stay. If the family leaves for the reception, the guests will follow.

How many people to expect at the visitation and funeral?

It is never easy to guess how many people will show up for a visitation or funeral. If the deceased was very active in the community or had a large family in the community, chances are it will be large. If the deceased was older, moved in the past few years or had few family members in the area, it is likely to be a smaller service. Once the obituary has been placed in the paper, you could call the funeral home to see if they've received many calls about the upcoming service.

Who to invite to the reception.

It is up to you to decide who you would like to invite to the reception. You may want only family, only family and a few close friends or everyone invited to the reception. If you want everyone invited, have it announced at the end of the funeral. If you want only family or a few close friends, let them know by personally inviting them. Don't feel offended it they decline the offer when invited at the last minute. They may already have other plans..

When is the proper time to send thank you notes?

If you start right away, it is ok. You may have too much going on and don't get to it until weeks later. Usually within six months is a good time to get them completed. You may receive cards and letters months after the funeral as people find out. Acknowledgements are usually written to those who have sent cards, flowers, food or donations. It is not necessary to send a thank-you note to everyone who's signed the register book.